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March 9th, 2004
01:59 am - I've got a new journal...
I got a new journal and I'll be posting there from now on. It rules...here's the link! ^_^ Oh btw Bert, I added the book I was telling you about to my new entry on my new journal. ;-)
www.xanga.com/newgravity <----new journal!!!!
Stay frosty...read at the other place....peace out.
The almighty dork,
~Charlee
Current Mood:  amused
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12:02 am - My soul bleeds for you...
There are certain people who come into our lives and it seems like no matter what bad thing happens to you, this other person ends up getting life much worse. Things are just so unbelievable sometimes, it's crazy. Either way, this is a message to one of those peoples. When your heart breaks, so does mine. Just here to let you know that you really aren't alone.
~Charlee
"What is this life?" 3-8-04 by me
What is this life worth living
when all we are is slaves to society?
Work and work, with no play,
what has come of us today?
Nothing... nothing at all.
Only here to choose our so-called life.
Only runner up is to be slain away,
anything under number one is in the grave.
This is our lives painted pitifully
on our own mortality.
Here we are in this stupid rat-race
and no one can see face to face.
Our deistiny relys on our untruthfulness,
we must be the very damned best.
Who has the chance to run up against
the grim reaper himself within his dance?
Our casualties lie within our proprieties.
How do we even go on?
Our souls to be tortured and lost
with everything being our own cost.
What is this life worth living again?
Current Mood:  shocked
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March 5th, 2004
02:35 pm - Sweet'n'Sour....
Okay so here's the sweet news....
So Lucy's called me back. The manager basically told me that if this one girl (that goes to Kickapoo) doesn't want to come back or cant, he's going to call me back. (And most likely hire me!!) So I'm crossing my fingers. ^_^ I think I know who the girl is too. >_< She was in my relationships class.....yappy little sophomore girl. o.O
The sour news... (An email from Eric)...
i wasn't running away, i got my internet cut, my dad's picking me up in about an hour, i have too much going on in my life, i do love you charlee but we're both going in seperate directions with life, i'm sorry about this... i don't think dad has the free long distance or the chance of me getting online much, which leaves me stranded from talking to you. i have to go, our dog just passed away, so everyone's a bit iffy. i love you, bye
GEE THANK YOU! Not only did I lose him as a boyfriend, but as a friend too since "he cant talk"!! >_< If he hasn't been able to talk to me this last past month then how the fuck does he even know we are or aren't going in seperate directions with life. Eh!?!? "Stranded from talking to you"....right ...when he told me that he'd probably be able to talk to me at his dad's house more. THANK YOU FOR NOTHING... I HATE YOU TOO. Jesus Christ. >_<
Arg.
~Charlee......*crossing fingers for job*
Current Mood:  groggy
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March 4th, 2004
05:28 pm - AH!
Things are cool with Jen...*whew*
~Charlee
Current Mood:  relieved
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March 3rd, 2004
09:24 pm - Pardon me for being human...when it rains it pours...
Why...just...why?
For starters...
Things are getting harder and harder now. I dont know what to say to make it small and short. I got stuck in the middle between two friends and spoke/acted before I even thought about things. I was between a rock and a hard place majorly. I tried to help them both but ended up betraying them in the end. They kinda got things figured out now but for my sacrifice of their friendship and trust. Might I add their names now...Jenny and Angela. >_< Jenny has been a bitch [being blunt] before that happened and she's still acting the same way now. I dont know if I could blame her on that but it certainly doesn't make things any easier.
On another note...as I said when it rains it pours...Eric broke up with me. He sent me a short email of one of those, "it's not you it's me, I think we should just at least take a break for now cause I need to striaghten things out with my life." It's now just really hitting me. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to have hope in, nothing to work for. I'm alone once again. I have no more motivation--it was shot down slowly and painfully within a few days. Just...I'm at a loss now....I have nothing more to say...except... here is the email Jenny sent me:
First of all-- why do my plans have to be just like yours in order for you to live here? I think its stupid for us to move out on our own. Its hard enough getting through college without paying rent and having two jobs plus school. ITS not easy. And I never said you had to go to florida with me I ASKED you about it, sure. Its a question. Besides I think suggesting fl is a hell of a lot better than you going to boring-ass Ohio for some -BOY- wow..thats really going to help -charlee- in the future. I wish you would think about yourself instead of being with someone or something. Second of all I told one thing you said..ONE....and it had nothing to do with -your personal- life or problems or situation. ONE time and that was when i broke down in the hall way in front of angeala and was like "why didnt you tell me you liked matt?" It had nothing to do with you. It wasnt about you and so on. And I told you you're always going to be my friend, And i didn't say I didn't care about you, if thats the way it came out, I'm sorry. I simply met I am worn out from all these years of trying. I'm trying to pull myself back together but i realize i have limits and that there will never be anyone that i can tell everything-- thats very hard to suck down! . Me, little ms. faith and hope has been stomped into the ground! finally!You just need to decide what you want to do, i think it would be crazy for you to move out on your own, i dont think you full understand how hard it is. But just because our plans arent the same doesnt mean anything.
Then a few minutes later I got an email from Eric....
hey charlee, i'm not sure if your on right now or not, but ed doesn't have yahoo on his computer, i'm sorry to do this but i think we should take a break for a while, i love you but i have to set my life straight, i'm leaving for my dad's friday, i'm sorry about this but i need to do it. i hope you don't hate me for this..
eric
Please, perhaps just save my sanity now and shoot me?!?
~Charlee
Forgot to add...I wrote this today...
"Our Daily Hell"
Within the srife,
and no meaning of life,
endless points are unfound.
Negativity and hatred
started back in early dated.
What is the meaning anymore?
People angry and fighting
even as I'm writing--
we're all guilty the same.
Green laced jealousy
with red beaded agony--
is there any way to get free?
All of us are the same,
just pretending to be sane--
an inch away from sanity.
Grasping and clawing
as the pile of souls crawling
and trying to hide away.
Our lives unturned
as each other is burned
in our own actions and ways.
Plead and scream
within this hideous dream--
abandon yourself now.
In the end the price be paid
as you're enslaved
in our own mind's hell.
Current Mood:  crushed, depressed, everything
Current Music: :-(
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February 29th, 2004
02:03 am - Hmmm...very....interesting...
This is quite accurate. Odd. o.O
The almighty dork,
~Charlee
Current Mood:  blank
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February 27th, 2004
06:06 pm - I guess things are slowing down??
I've been applying at more places last few days. Got Steak'n'Shake and Walmart to look at my application. Uhhh....not much else has really happened. I'm just pretty tired at the moment. Mom and Aimee are sick at the moment. :-( Yeah. Thats pretty much it for the moment. Stay frosty.
The almighty dork,
~Charlee
Current Mood:  exhausted
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February 25th, 2004
09:41 pm - Whoa....a little...too much love....
shinjiikari60 signed off at 7:27:24 PM.
rustymouser04 (7:27:26 PM): nerd
shinjiikari60 (7:27:28 PM): haha
rustymouser04 (7:29:10 PM): we arent alike....I AM CHARLEE!
rustymouser04 (7:29:11 PM): mwahahaha
shinjiikari60 (7:29:21 PM): ...rriiiiggghhhtttt
shinjiikari60 (7:29:26 PM): ...wait a sec
shinjiikari60 (7:29:32 PM): AHHH
shinjiikari60 (7:29:37 PM): STOP CONFUSING ME
rustymouser04 (7:29:41 PM): I stole her brain
rustymouser04 (7:29:44 PM): I stole her body
rustymouser04 (7:29:48 PM): now I'm as sexy as her
rustymouser04 (7:29:57 PM): now men will have no choice BUT to cum when they see me!
rustymouser04 (7:30:00 PM): ahahahahaha!
shinjiikari60 (7:30:01 PM): kool... so does that mean we get to have sex now since ur closer
rustymouser04 (7:30:04 PM): lol
rustymouser04 (7:30:08 PM): in your dreams lover boy
shinjiikari60 (7:30:16 PM): ..uhmm noo.. you said we would
shinjiikari60 (7:30:34 PM): i feel cheated and lied too
rustymouser04 (7:30:38 PM): thats cuz I was in Missouri then
shinjiikari60 (7:30:48 PM): women
shinjiikari60 (7:30:51 PM): i swear
rustymouser04 (7:30:52 PM): now I am going to have sex with myself
rustymouser04 (7:30:58 PM): cuz I look like Cassie
shinjiikari60 (7:31:01 PM): you do that over there though
rustymouser04 (7:31:02 PM): ^_^
rustymouser04 (7:31:12 PM): but then I dont look like Cassie
rustymouser04 (7:31:19 PM): so this is like me having sex with myself
rustymouser04 (7:31:24 PM): but with her too
shinjiikari60 (7:31:28 PM): ...im going to go talk to char
rustymouser04 (7:31:48 PM): I am Charlee!
rustymouser04 (7:31:50 PM): haha!
Current Mood:  nervous
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February 24th, 2004
08:47 pm - What goes up must come down...
So yesterday might have been a good day, but today was the kicker. I went to the interview...I thought I did well... the guy interviewing me had me monitor another employee (who was very nice and wanted me to get the job) for a few minutes. He then gave me the first set of questions (guess that was fine), then went to talk to another person about it. He came back and gave me the second set of questions and a prompt to read to him. He went back to talk to whomever it was before and he came back, shook my hand, told me I didn't get the job, and showed me to the door. :-( *sighs sadly*
Oh and btw for Mike if you read this: I've been trying a lot harder than you think so don't be talking behind my back to my own friends bitching about me not having a job. Alright?
The almighty dork,
~Charlee
Current Mood:  disappointed nonetheless
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12:51 am - Just for fun...
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Gregariousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Assertiveness | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Activity Level | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Excitement-Seeking | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Enthusiasm | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Extroversion | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Trust | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Morality | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Altruism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Cooperation | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Modesty | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Sympathy | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Friendliness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 72% | | Confidence | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Neatness | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Achievement | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Self-Discipline | ||||||||||||||| | 50% | | Cautiousness | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Orderliness | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Volatility | |||||| | 18% | | Depression | ||||||||| | 26% | | Self-Consciousness | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Impulsiveness | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Vulnerability | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Emotional Stability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 86% | | Artistic Interests | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 90% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Intellect | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Liberalism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Openmindedness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
Current Mood:  blah
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